Why You Feel This Way When Socializing

Have you ever wondered why you act in this ‘specific’ way when it comes to interpersonal relationships? Take a second and try to remember, are you one of those who can easily get close to others? Or, you keep telling yourself, ‘hey! You can not trust others, you have to be independent!’. Within this article you will figure out why.

Attachment Theory was first argued by psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby . Infant-caregiver bond builds the bases for this theory. In an evolutionary point of view, this strong bond between infant and caregiver is essential for survival of the kin. Developmental psychologist Mary Ainsworth in 1970s, developed the theory and found three main attachment patterns among infants: secure, anxious and avoidant. Later on this theory adapted to adults by means of longitudinal studies. If your caregiver was responsive and stable, you are most likely to develop a secure attachment pattern. That is, you freely explore the world, easily socialize with others, trust others and ask for help when needed.

On the other hand, an unstable or unresponsive caregiver most likely to result in an avoidant or anxious attachment pattern. If you are avoidant, that means you trust on your own more than others and you do not care for bonding that much which in turn results in avoidance from social interactions. However, if you are anxious, you crave for proximity excessively. During a conflict with loved ones you automatically perceive this as a threat for separation, so you try to get intimate more than ever that you become overly dependent.

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